i need to start writing things down. when i was unpacking last month i came across one of my sad attempts at a diary when i was young. all it was full of was the truth. pain and things i don't want to remember. this is going to be filled with the same, of sorts. it's going to be full of the truth. i'm not going to write every day. or if i do, awesome. i'm going to write down things i think that are important.
it's been a month of living on my own. i like it more than i thought i would. i have my lonely moments. i think of funny things to say or just ideas and wish i had someone to say them to. i miss having something living around me. that's the one nice thing about going back to mom and dad's, even for the night, is the pets. max goes nuts and loves me and gets mad when i'm not holding him. nimbus makes me work for her love and then turns into a snuggler when nobody else is looking. my hair loves nanaimo and i'm still getting it to try and like it here. maybe it's the winter.
i read my last blog entry and it's so full of hope. i want this one to be full of determination. i have a great job, and it's mine. guaranteed hours. so the financials will be sorted out by the end of this year. i mean, everything isn't going to be paid of completely but i'll have a few things gone and the rest of it under control, which will be really nice. having 5 debts and knowing that in 9 months i should have 2 of them gone completely is a good feeling. * i can't stop running my hands through my nice clean nanaimo hair <3* planning is nice but this is about execution. i have time that i can start focusing on more important things.
every time i've set out on the weight loss mission i've always said i want to get healthier but i think we all knew that was just code for wanting to be skinnier so i'd be liked better and wouldn't be judged right away as being a lazy slob. i want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what i see. i don't have to be a skinny minnie, but i need to be able to look at myself and say, yup that's where it's at and i'm good with it. you know, the weight isn't the only thing i want to work on. i have a few things about my smile i'd like to adjust. that'll take some time tho, because i don't think that i'll qualify for braces because i don't "technically"need them because they're not too bad but i want my bottom teeth a little straighter. they're my teeth, i'll get em looking the way i want them. (probably that invisiline stuff later on). with the weight tho, i want to be able to run, to do an obstacle course, to do westwood in 30 minutes would be cool. ride a bike and be able to do drills at work with a car deck sweeper and stair tower card and get to the end of those seven flights and not be winded. but i think i'm on the way to that already because i did it the other night and yeah, i was winded at the end, but it didn't last as long as it usually does. progress?
seeing: my untidy cleanish house. allllllll mine!!
hearing: hello - marvin solveig and dragonette
feeling: like i had it right the last time. that it was a hard path but the right one.
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